


Faceless Ghost of a Boy: The Miharu Meta

by Ohrein



Category: Nabari no Ou
Genre: Essays, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 18:45:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/929823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohrein/pseuds/Ohrein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crossposted from my tumblr, charmingsprout. Spoilers for the entire (manga) series and trigger warnings for discussion of suicidal ideations and depression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faceless Ghost of a Boy: The Miharu Meta

I've noticed that in this fandom, there's a lot of focus on periphery characters – Raikou, Gau, the Hakutaku. When we do talk about either of the two main characters, it's nearly always Yoite. While I do love me some Yoite discussion (and some Wakachi discussion, and some Hakutaku discussion, you get the idea), I think it's a shame that we talk so little about the protagonist, our King, Miharu.

So I took it upon myself to look more critically at his character, to find how the story shapes him. And you know what I found out?

Wow. This is a really sad series and fandom.

Okay, no, that's not the only result of my “research” (read: reread). But it is true: for a great deal of the series, Miharu is a _really sad character_. So are the other characters, but Miharu has some extra pressure put on him by circumstance. The truth is, Miharu, through much of the series, has very low self-esteem, which he bases off of how he can help those around him or how much he is hurting others. He takes on everyone's problems as if they were his own, feels as if he must solve those problems, and believes that if he cannot help well enough, he is virtually useless.

Below is an analysis of Miharu's self-esteem throughout the entire series. Quotes will be cited by volume/chapter number; quotes are taken from official (Yen Press) translations unless otherwise stated.

* * *

We first see Miharu's sheer lack of self-worth extremely early, in the very second chapter. Upset that Tobari tried to keep him from getting hurt, Miharu asks, “'Why did you get hurt, Sensei? Stop it. It's not your problem” (V1Ch2). Miharu truly believes that if he is at risk, nobody else should be worried – not because Miharu can handle things by himself, but because he is not worth the worry. Other characters recognize his feelings early on, too. The very same day that she meets him, Raimei observes that “[Miharu]s probably the type of guy who thinks it would be the greatest misfortune to have someone cry over him when he dies” (V1Ch3). Remember, Miharu doesn't want anyone to have feelings about him (so he can keep up his apathetic facade? that's the subject of a different meta.). Miharu even tells Kouichi that Kouichi doesn't “have to get too involved with [him]” because he's not worth getting involved with (V2Ch6).

Miharu actually believes that he has no special skills; he believes that he has nothing to offer to his friends. He says:

 

 “It's stupid to die for someone like me. That's right... I don't want people to be nice to me when I can't do anything for them in return. I don't have the right to rely on anyone” (V2Ch10).

 

Oh, _honey_. I just want to wrap him in my arms and tell him that the people around him don't need compensation for their friendship. Miharu thinks that just because he is “the one who can't do anything” - as in, because he is the one who has not had years of special training and therefore has no developed skills, he is essentially a deadweight to his companions, someone that the others have to be responsible for rather than someone who can actively help them (V2Ch7). Of course, readers know that Miharu's assertion that he has no skill is totally incorrect, but Miharu's view of himself is toxic and based entirely on his ability to help or harm others.

Other characters notice, too. In chapter 12, Oda – who has just barely met Miharu but who can read deep into his heart through Izunashingan – calls him a “poor boy” for “[t]aking everything on [himself]” - she says that “[a]t the bottom of [his] heart, [he] is always alone. Because [he's] afraid of hurting anyone, afraid of anyone hating [him]” (V3Ch12). Fourteen chapters and an entire arc later, Raimei compares Miharu to her brother, who she's speaking to: “He [Miharu] [is] like you [Raikou]... he takes everything onto himself” (V5Ch26). After only knowing Miharu for possible half an hour, even Hattori tells Miharu that he “shouldn't think so poorly of [him]self” (V6Ch28).

Yeah, a lot of good those words do. It seems that, rather than causing Miharu to reevaluate his self-image, these statements just affirm what he believes about himself. Miharu says that he “[doesn't] like people being unconditionally nice to [him]” - since he is only used to being used and manipulated, unconditional kindness will always be suspect (V5Ch24). After being manipulated so often throughout his life, he can no longer fathom the idea that people can be kind to him without an ulterior motive. Heartbreakingly, in chapter 27, Miharu begins to contemplate suicide. He asks himself,

 

If the Shinrabanshou didn't exist. I wonder if the Shimizu family would have lived happily without anyone dying. I wonder if Gau-san wouldn't have been hurt... If Kouichi wouldn't have killed anyone... And if Kumohira-sensei wouldn't be at his wits' end. If the Shinrabanshou didn't exist? If I... didn't exist? (V5Ch27)

 

Miharu internalizes the ideas he is fed about his relationship to the Shinrabanshou, saying that he is “just the container” and therefore, the people around him “don't have to worry over every little thing when it comes to [him]” (V8Ch43). His being is worthless without the Shinrabanshou, or so he has been convinced. And even with the Shinrabanshou, Miharu (pre-ch50) still feels like he will be worthless without Yoite – visibly distraught, he asks himself, “[w]hat will I be when I don't have Yoite to rely on me?” (V10Ch49). Because other characters – even background no-name randoms (ch50) – have told him that he is just a vessel for the Shinrabanshou or just the kid that Yoite is using to succeed in his erasure, Miharu loses sight of who he himself is without these two important influences on him.

 Speaking of Miharu's relationship with Yoite, it especially is hampered by their individual insecurities. Though Hattori would disagree (because what an _asshole_ ), Miharu believes that he and Yoite are “alike in that [they're] lonely. And that it's hard on [them] to be treated kindly. And [they're] alike in that [they] know [they're] dumb for thinking it's hard” (V7Ch34). While I can't speak on whether this is true for Yoite, it gives plenty of insight on Miharu's state of mind. Despite being surrounded by people (Raimei, Kouichi, Tobari, Hanabusa, Yukimi, Obaasan, et cetera) who profess to care about Miharu, he is still disconnected from them. Yoite, he feels, is the only person not only to whom he can relate, but, more importantly, who can relate to him. Miharu also reveals that it is hard for him to accept any kindnesses. He doesn't feel deserving, and he knows that that is a misconception – yet knowing that he is wrong in how he views himself just makes him feel worse.

It's true that Miharu shows more of his closely guarded self around Yoite. Yoite remarks that Miharu is “not as dead as [he] used to be” way back in chapter 22 (V5Ch22). But this relative openness does not mean that Miharu feels that Yoite is allowed to do things for Miharu without wanting anything in return. During their argument in chapter 47, Miharu wonders “[w]hy [Yoite would] be so nice to [Miharu]” in revealing his lie about shooting ki into the Banten ninjas (V9Ch47). Yes, that's right – Miharu thinks that even revealing a previous statement as a lie is a kindness, even if that lie was told to manipulate rather than protect him. Miharu wonders why Yoite is telling him about the lie now, when Miharu has yet to reveal his own lie about his readiness to use the Shinrabanshou. To Miharu, Yoite revealing his own lie first, without believing he will get anything in return, is a nicety that Miharu cannot tolerate being directed toward him. After all, he does not believe he deserves to be treated kindly even by Yoite, who he is inarguably closest to out of the entire cast.

Miharu quite obviously attempts to raise Yoite's self esteem, but Yoite tries to get Miharu to see his own worth as well. He consistently keeps Miharu from falling into any deeper depression than he is in. As he lays dying, Yoite takes up the water/ocean metaphor used throughout the series* when he tells Yukimi that he doesn't “have the strength left anymore to bring Miharu's head back above water” (V10Ch50). Yoite knows that Miharu is in an incredibly bad mental space, but has exhausted his abilities to rescue Miharu. Therefore, he asks for Yukimi to continue in his stead after his now inevitable death.

Throughout the series, Miharu is flustered by Yukimi's praise and kindness. Never having had a father figure outside of Tobari's heavyhanded attempts at protection, Miharu is wont to dispute Yukimi's mix of paternal and fraternal affection. When Yukimi compliments Miharu's cooking, Miharu argues that it “really isn't anything that great;” when Yukimi, Gau, and Raikou throw Miharu a birthday party soon after taking him under their wings, Miharu “wish[es]... they wouldn't do this stuff [place him as the positive center of attention]” (V6Ch28, V8Ch43). When Yukimi gives Miharu a funnel for his neglected passions by asking Miharu to take photographs for his freelance articles, Miharu is entranced and eager to learn; that is, until he realizes the pressure that is put on Yukimi by his editors. When he learns that the editors have high expectations, Miharu reverts to his belief that he will fail those around him. He says, “'Yukimi-san, I don't know about this photo thing after all...'” as his way of trying to refuse the one activity giving him joy at the time (V11Ch56). Yukimi, thankfully, sees through Miharu's rejection and pushes him to continue with photography, resulting in possibly one of the cutest and most inspirational scenes in the series.

 

(scanlations by NoTalk, translation by tumblr user tenpa)

Across all his relationships, Miharu shows one similarity. He believes himself to be the root of any problems in the relationship. Just before the above Crowning Moment of Heartwarming, Miharu says that Yukimi

must think [he's] the most boring, lamest kid in the whole world.** … here [he is], the one putting them [the people who care for Miharu] through all that trouble, and [he hasn't] done anything for them in return. [He wants] to protect everyone. [He wants] to help... [He doesn't] wanna just be protected all the time. (V12Ch59)

While this does include the rather nice sentiment of Miharu telling Yukimi he needn't always be protected because he is a strong, independent young ninja, Miharu also shows that he thinks he can never repay his chosen family enough for the deeds they have performed in his name. Furthermore, Miharu believes that by incompletely fulfilling Yoite's wish, he has done wrong, saying that he has “opened holes in lots of people's hearts. All for [his] own selfishness” (V11Ch54). Lastly, Miharu believes that his own death and rebirth set the stage for everyone's current problems ten years later. He tells Tobari that “[i]t would have been better, if you [Tobari] had killed me [Miharu] back then, ten years ago,” because that would have somehow prevented the current state of the Nabari world (V13Ch66).

Finally, there's a motif that Kamatani threads throughout the series' colorspreads. That is the motif of Miharu and butterflies.

(colorspread edits by tumblr user saboadys)

Miharu's character arc is rather similar to the lifespan of a butterfly. As a child/caterpillar, he is energetic and has a colorful personality – he is truly the son of Asahi's and Akatsuki's sun. When the events of ten years ago happen and Miharu, through the Shinrabanshou, promises Asahi to become apathetic as a survival technique, he is retreating into his pupa. He has a very long pupation, but by the end of the series, he emerges from his cocoon as a beautiful, peaceful butterfly as his self-esteem skyrockets, he finds that his chosen family will love him even if he is not able to help them at all times, and he finds something that he is truly passionate about and good at - photography. As Shijima says in chapter 34, Miharu is “surprisingly dedicated when he wants to be” - and that includes his dedication not only to his chosen family and to photography, but also his dedication throughout the series to keeping people from getting attached to him or praising him or generally thinking anything positive about him ever (V7Ch34).

In conclusion, it's been approximately nine months since I wrote the first words of this and I haven't really reread them so I sincerely hope I didn't contradict myself when I churned out the last three pages of this essay in one afternoon. Also, if you try to define Miharu by his relationships when his entire character arc is him learning to not do exactly that, I will hunt you down and stare at you disapprovingly.

**Author's Note:**

> *which I SO want to write meta about but I've been writing this for nine months so maybe someone else should tackle it
> 
> **this is how Yen Press translated it, but the original says 俺って今　すんごくつまんない　のっぺら少年だと　思わない？, or roughly “I don't look like a faceless ghost of a boy right now, do I?,” as in the scanlations by NoTalk (translation by tumblr user tenpa). The “faceless ghost” (“のっぺら”) refers to a Japanese legendary creature, the Noppera-bou, which is a ghost that at first appears as a normal human before wiping their faces blank. Which is significantly creepier than the Yen Press translation.


End file.
